When we’re teenagers, we’re expected to make adult decisions without actually being an adult. In some cases, we make the right choices, like not to drink alcohol until we’re 21. In other cases, we make the wrong choices, and the consequences can be severe.
In my case, a rash teenage decision could have cost me eternal life.

Falling away from the faith

I was raised in a Lutheran family and was faithful well into my mid-teens. As a child, it was easy to believe without question. I knew God loved me and that he would watch out for me. Without fail, I would be at Sunday school and later church almost every Sunday. With my entire family attending a Lutheran church, my beliefs were solidified. I felt that I could never stray from the Lord.

Growing up, I was teased quite a bit by my classmates for my faith and for other reasons, but I never had a single twinge of doubt. As I entered my junior year of high school, that changed. The teasing got meaner. People who used to be friendly to me turned cold. Most disturbing to me was the fact that people I saw who sinned quite openly seemed to get all the breaks, while I struggled to keep my head above water.

I became much like my biblical namesake and started to question what I had accepted so easily in my youth. For as much as I learned about God in church and Sunday school, I had never considered why I believed. When faced with the teasing and general disdain my classmates seemed to have for me, I couldn’t reconcile what I had learned with what I thought God was doing. In my 16-year-old mind, it appeared to me that God had turned his back on me. So I turned my back on him, and I didn’t look back.

Entering college, I kept my self-imposed exile. For a while, I dabbled in atheism and agnosticism, thinking I was “too smart” to believe in God. My complete lack of faith came to fruition during a public debate my college held about the existence of God. During the question and answer period, I rattled off a logic problem I had read in a magazine designed to show that God wasn’t nearly as caring as we were led to believe. When the gentleman arguing in favor of God’s existence didn’t come up with a suitable answer, I was proud that I’d justified my lack of faith.

Rediscovering my spiritual home

After college, God never really entered into my equation. But my friend Pat really got me to reconsider my position on God. She encouraged me to seek out my own path. Our discussions about God and faith opened my eyes and heart somewhat, but I was filled with a great guilt over what I’d done in my youth. This guilt built yet another wall between God and me. The wall was difficult to scale. I felt I could never earn his love because of my sinful nature and past.