When anger strikes after a loved one dies, we can deal with it the same way we deal with other aspects of grieving—we can turn to Jesus.

Fists were pounding on the wall. A table was overturned. Profanity was in abundance. Two young men were angry. They had just been told that their dad had died from massive injuries from an industrial accident. Their rage turned toward the furniture in the hospital waiting room.

ANGER SETS IN

Experts in grief say that one of the stages of grieving is anger. It may not always be like it was in the hospital that day, but it will come to the surface somehow. Maybe it will lash out at relatives who keep asking how you're doing. It might mask itself in bitter jealousy of a close friend whose husband is still alive as you angrily think to yourself, Why did my husband have to die?

Sometimes that anger can be directed at God. I remember the anger I felt toward God when my younger brother's friend died in his arms. At that time I thought to myself and said to others, "Why would I want to serve a God who lets something like that happen!" Denial. Shock. Tears! It's all part of the process of dealing with loss. And so is anger.

Did you know that Jesus was angry when he grieved over the death of his friend Lazarus? In John 11:38 we read, "Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb." The words deeply moved are a translation of a Greek word that can mean "angry." To be sure, Jesus' anger was not tainted with sin. He is the sinless Son of God. But when his friend Lazarus died, he grieved. There were tears, but also anger.

How was Jesus angry? He wasn't angry at his heavenly Father, questioning his goodness or wisdom. He didn't lash out at friends for asking too many questions about how he was doing. Could it be that he was directing his anger at the cause of grief for himself and his fellow human beings? Could it be that he was angry at the devil and at the devil's dirty work of sin and death in the world? Jesus' anger wasn't tainted with sin like ours so often is, but he was angry nonetheless!

GOD FORGIVES US AND CAN REMOVE OUR ANGER

So how are we to deal with anger when we are grieving? Just as all the other steps of grief, we have to acknowledge that anger is part of grieving. It will come when we grieve and when others grieve too. When it comes, we can deal with it in the same way we deal with any other aspect of grieving. Turn to Jesus, the Savior who is able to sympathize with us in every weakness. Ask him to remove the anger. Ask him to forgive you when your anger lashes out in a sinful way toward others or God himself. Ask others to forgive you when your anger is directed at them and be forgiving to those whose anger in grief might hurt you.