It's 6:55 p.m. on a cold Sunday in January. Couples are arriving for the first of five premarital sessions at church. There is tension in the room, perhaps because some people are unfamiliar with the others. Or maybe they don't know what to expect. Will some embarrassing, deep, dark secrets be uncovered? I try to ease the tension with a warm welcome and friendly conversation.

The class is diverse. Some couples have been engaged for over two years. Others met only a few months ago. Most are entering marriage for the first time--others for a second, or third. A majority are in their twenties. A few are well into middle age. At least one from each couple is a member of our church. Over half of the nonmembers belong to another WELS church, but some are from other Christian denominations or unchurched. These sessions will provide an opportunity for friendly evangelism.

Church premarital sessions

Twelve couples are attending our premarital session tonight. If national statistics apply to them, only six will remain married.

How things have changed. In 1932 there were only two divorces in every 12 marriages, in 1912 only one. Still, all 12 will face challenges to their marital love and faithfulness. Sound marriages and solid families don't fit Satan's game plan. God willing, these classes will strengthen the love and resolve that binds couples together.

Our premarital classes cover the wedding service and marriage issues. We explore Scripture to discuss the definition of marriage, eligibility for marriage, the purpose of marriage, role relationships in marriage, how marriages are strengthened, pitfalls in marriages, and the blessings of marriage. Time is set aside to talk about communication skills and resolving anger. We discuss attitudes towards sex, money, children, job, and church--touchy issues in the '90s. An understanding of God's unconditional, saving love for sinners in Jesus sets the tone for the classes.

As this premarital class gets to work, it's a joy seeing them learn and grow together. But as one listens to the discussions and comments, and later watches these couples live out their marriage vows, something else becomes evident. Namely, another kind of premarital class is a necessary prelude to the one with the pastor.

Premarital training at home

That one is taught in the home by mom and dad. Solomon says "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" (Proverbs 22:6). This also applies to premarital training. What children learn growing up in the home they often take with them into their married lives. Five premarital classes with the pastor will probably not significantly change that fact. If good premarital seed is sown in the lives of children at home, a good harvest can be expected. But the opposite is also true.