After my first year in college, I realized that I had never been in charge of anything. Instead God makes all things and gives all things.

When I first started college, I was excited about the adventure. I hoped to meet new people, to take interesting classes, to learn about the world around me, and to become a better person. What I found didn't necessarily live up to those expectations.

My first day at the university was chaos. With hundreds of other students, I trudged up hundreds of steps, carrying pounds of clothing, bedding, and every other type of living essential to a 6 X 6 dorm room that I would share with a complete stranger. But this was part of my new adventure in this place called higher education. I saw my college experience as the period that would create who I would become as an adult. I signed up for classes, bought expensive books, talked to my neighbors across the hall, made friends with my roommate, and called home to update my parents about college life. I stayed up until 3 A.M. I slept in however long I wanted. I walked to the gym in the middle of the night. I was in control.

Amidst all of this activity, I lost what was essential to who I was: God. I forgot who was actually in control of my life and whom I needed to worship. God gives us everything in Christ, and I needed to thank him for my abilities. Instead, I sinfully thought that I was the reason for my success.

For a time, I stopped asking for forgiveness from God. I believed in the illusion that I was creating myself and my world. I was filled with a sense of my own value and importance. But I felt guilty not talking to God about my days. Moreover, this guilt hammered at me until I didn't understand who I was anymore. Was I the person in charge? Did I make all the decisions?

When I started another year of college, I was in search of what I felt I had forgotten—myself. Instead of looking for what was easy and fun, I searched for something to engage my soul. What I found was a shy, quiet man. This was the type of man who knew who he was. This man was the person who might stay up late with friends on a Saturday but would always go to early morning church with his brother. He might shy away from talking to people at the university, but he taught Sunday school with gusto. And the secret to his confidence and self-assurance wasn't any secret at all. It was Jesus. This man had exactly what I thought I was missing.