God promises to love and forgive those with penitent hearts, even those who have experienced same-sex attractions.

No one is exempt from temptation. Even Jesus was tempted, which helps me realize I cannot possibly resist temptation alone. Yet I know that temptations can be opportunities to test my reliance, faith, and trust in God. My heart finds great rest when I rely on Jesus and his strength. This is my story of the temptations, choices, and consequences of falling into same-sex relations.

Making choices

For many years, I was proud of being self-reliant. I trusted the words of so-called experts and used their self-help books and secular counseling for my struggles. My self-esteem and identity rested heavily on things of this world. I was a high school and college runner. So rebelliously, I used to say, "Running is my religion!" Abandoning God and distrusting his words weakened me and my ability to resist the repetitive allure of same-sex attractions.

When faced with any temptation, we all have choices. We can run to our worldly vices or run to our Savior. My fall into the world of homosexuality was a sequence of choices. For years I suppressed same-sex attractions, then expressed them by "coming out," and finally confessed my sin and came out to God.

When tempted with same-sex attractions, I chose not to resist. Instead I fell victim to Satan's words: "Don't tell anyone. They will disown you." "You can deal with these attractions alone." "God made you this way." "You do not have a choice." I fell for Satan's lies, especially the one of not having a choice. It only rendered me helpless and hopeless for nearly two decades.

Suppressing desires

It all started in high school when I had a crush on a female guidance counselor. She was kind, gentle, and caring, characteristics to which I was emotionally attracted. My brother coincidently started calling me a "lezzy" because I had short hair, acted like a tomboy and jock, and did not have a boyfriend. Guilt, shame, and condemnation immediately found a home in my heart. "What is wrong with me?" I thought. I did not tell anyone, including my parents, fearing they would disown me.

So I started keeping a secret, and my heart started hardening and locking out God and my family. The more I suppressed or denied these feelings and emotions, the worse they got. These same-sex attractions became a consuming obsession in which I continually isolated myself.