"How do we make the honeymoon last?" Couples ask this question when, by all accounts, the honeymoon is over. Long walks and sweet words gave way to bland routine and irritability. They want to know, "How do we get back that magic--the way we once looked at each other, how alive we felt in each other's presence?"

The unique pleasure of romantic love has been called "the joy of being enjoyed." One of the most sought after human experiences is to be the cause of eye-sparkling delight in another person. Knowing our sinful selves as we do, this hardly seems possible.

The joy in romantic love

Living, as we do, outside the Garden of Eden, all human beings must face their own profound unacceptability. We were, by nature, not objects of delight but "objects of wrath" (Ephesians 2:3). We brought joy to no one, especially not to God. We may deny it or let the feeling wash over us, but it remains true, haunting our fallen personality in a thousand wretched ways. We are not okay, and we know it.

But then it happens. A wonderful person looks upon us with delight. We come alive. Some would label romantic love as necessarily selfish. Of course, how we pursue it can be both selfish and destructive. Yet, King Solomon spoke of it this way under divine inspiration: "How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride" (Song of Songs 4:10).

When was the last time your spouse saw that in your eyes?

What happens to that delight? Solomon also wrote, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting" (Proverbs 31:30). If we found nothing more significant than looks or personality to enjoy in our partner, it's no wonder the relationship falters. Marriage brings out our true colors. When the prize of a spouse was yet to be won, we showed them "the best of us." Now they have seen "the rest of us."

And there have been times, maybe a lot of them, when disapproval and rejection have shown up on the face of our beloved. Mere human love failed. The false hope that we had found someone to meet all our needs turned to disappointment. "How do we make the honeymoon last?" can really mean, "Why did you change?" The honeymoon is over.

Now, rather than trying to recreate "that lovin' feeling" from the early days and straining to recover the old ground, realize that there is new territory yet to be captured. The couple that wants a happy healthy marriage must make something else more important. The Apostle Paul said, "I want to know Christ . . ." (Philippians 3:10). His prayer for all the people he loved was that they would "grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ" (Ephesians 3:18).

The joy that replaces romantic love