How would you feel if you were completely unsure about something your friends seemed to be so certain about?

I know how it feels to be going about my life as a Christian, in a Christian high school, and not really being sure what I believed about God. I wasn’t even sure I believed. I just didn’t grasp the concept like I thought I was supposed to. To me, God was like a lesson in school, and I just couldn’t get it through my head.

Ever since I was in kindergarten I’ve been in Christian schools. I sang all the songs, I learned all the memory work, and I did all the Bible history worksheets. But as I got older, I couldn’t help but think, “What if there is no God? What if after we die, we just die? What if the religions we learn about in history class are right? We believe just as strongly as they do. What if Allah is the only true god? What if our religion is the untrue one?” I just didn’t know.

I felt like this from seventh grade until ninth grade. I didn’t talk to anyone about it because it didn’t seem like anyone felt the way I did. Everyone seemed to be perfect Christians who were firm in the faith and never had doubts.

Then I met someone during the second semester of ninth grade. She was different than the other girls. It seemed like I could really be myself around her and tell her how I felt. As we got to know each other I opened up about things, but I still kept my doubts to myself. It took me some time to figure out how to word it and how I would bring it up.

I can’t say I remember exactly how I did it, but one night on the phone I just came out and told her. I said that I wasn’t sure about God and nothing made sense to me. I asked her how she felt about it. She seemed to understand what I was feeling. She told me that faith isn’t about facts and tangible evidence. Faith isn’t going to come down to an exact science. Faith believes in God even though it seems crazy to believe. Faith knows that Jesus humbled himself and left his heavenly kingdom to give his life for us. Faith knows that we will be taken to heaven after we leave this earth. Faith just believes.

Although I went to Christian schools all my life, and went to church every Sunday, I still didn’t see Jesus in my life. This is what it took to finally make me realize that he is all around me. Jesus won’t just show up in front of your face and say, “Hi. It’s me, Jesus. Believe in me now.” You need to find Jesus in the words of the Bible. The hardest part of this was the fact that I wanted to see some proof, and that kind of proof wasn’t there.

I found God. Well, actually, he had been there the whole time. It just took the help of a friend to show me what to look for.