A Christian struggling with homosexuality turns to God's Word for answers and encouragement.

I was born, baptized, and raised in a devout Christian home. I attended and was confirmed in a WELS church, but in my late teens and for decades following I began to drift away from the church, God's Holy Word, and my Savior. Throughout my adolescence and late teens, I struggled with what I believed to be inborn attractions to other guys. Eventually, I embraced the homosexual lifestyle for more than a decade. My subsequent exodus from the gay lifestyle began with confessing my sins and being healed by God's forgiving grace. I did not leave that sinful lifestyle unscathed, however. I had, in fact, contracted HIV.

CONTINUED STRUGGLES

Since that time I've been asked, "Now that you left the gay lifestyle and came back to the Lord, are you now cured of homosexual temptations?" My answer surprises many: "No, I am still not cured of those temptations and struggles." No one is more surprised and dismayed by that reality than I. In addition to my continual struggles with such temptations, I am also coping with the effects of living with HIV/AIDS, the disease that lingers since I left the gay lifestyle.

During these past years the combination of those two challenges has created for me a very rocky road on which to travel. Believe me, I have often found myself asking the question, "God, why won't you remove these temptations from me? With your power, I have made the decision to leave that lifestyle and resist these temptations, but why do I have to continue experiencing them and struggling with them?" These questions also have proved challenging over the past couple years in my talks with other young people struggling with similar temptations. They ask me, "Can I expect to ever stop having these sinful [homosexual] desires?" I have had great difficulty responding to their questions. But I continue to go back to God's promise: "All things are possible with God" (Mark 10:27). After all, I did ultimately leave that sinful lifestyle after being immersed in it for years.

While I do not believe that God created HIV/AIDS to be a "gay plague"—most people in the world now living with HIV/AIDS are heterosexual—I do realize that there are very real consequences for sin. Living with HIV/AIDS is a consequence I am experiencing. For more than a year, I was on a medication regimen that made me so physically ill that I found myself more or less incapacitated every morning and evening when I had to take the medications. The phrase "Sometimes the cure or treatment is worse than the disease" often came to mind. During some especially challenging times because of the side effects and complications from the medications and the disease, I found myself asking, "God, why am I still here?"