I'm not one to watch a lot of TV, not only because I have better things to do but also because the messages I get from almost every show encourage behavior God rejects. The underlying message—especially in the area of marriage and morality—is that all sexual behavior is okay. It is normal and fun. Dating and sex seem more like a game or just a way to have fun. 

God wants to protect us, our children, and our society from anything that would bring heartache and difficulty. God's commands are intended to keep us from what will harm us and others. He includes sex, morality, and relationships among his concerns. And God doesn't think that dating should be a game.

One place where God gives us directions is in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8: "It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit."

It might seem like these verses don't speak about dating and choosing a spouse. But the footnote in the New International Version acknowledges some differences of opinion about the translation. The People's Bible on 1 and 2 Thessalonians provides this direction: "Perhaps the best translation in the context is, "Let each of you know how to obtain a marriage partner in a way that is holy and honorable' " (1,2 Thessalonians, p. 40).

God does not prescribe the method

The way we choose a spouse has changed a bit over the centuries. In times passed and in many cultures, parents arranged marriages. Remember the account of Abraham arranging a marriage for his son Isaac (Genesis 24). Over the years that arrangement had its flaws. Many are the woeful tales of the abuses of the old dowry system.

Today's system more resembles that of Jacob and his passion for his beloved Rachel. It emphasizes consent—the commitment of two people to each other—as the essence of marriage. But disadvantages also are evident. Passion is blind. The power of the sexual urge in human nature can lead to enormous heartache.

God has not prescribed a method for choosing a spouse. We are free to use whichever method is best. I suspect that the best arrangement is a combination: two young people making their choice yet seeking the help of their parents.

Although God has not spoken on the method of choosing a spouse, he definitely has given us direction. We are to do it "in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust."