Why? It’s a tiny word with a powerful punch. I personally find myself asking “Why?” constantly throughout the day. However when you think about it, the question, “Why?” is one of the most disrespectful things you could ever think—that is, when you think about what it means to God. When you ask this loaded question, you’re basically telling God that you don’t trust in him.

“Who wants to go see Grandma?” my mom called from the kitchen. I buried my head in my pillow. Why would I want to spend my Sunday at a smelly old nursing home? The call rang out again, this time it was right outside my door. I held my breath. Maybe she wouldn’t hear me. Nope! “Sarah, do you want to go see Grandma? It’d be nice if you went to see her. I’m sure she’d appreciate it.” Exhaling, I groaned an okay.

It was just the two of us that beautiful Sunday afternoon. One of my favorite songs came on the radio as we pulled into the parking lot. I thought that I would belt out the refrain before going in, but then my mom surprised me. Instead of laughing or singing with me, she gave me a look that had nothing but bad news in it.

She began by saying, “You know that Grandma has been sick for a while now, right?” I nodded as she continued, “Well she’s been getting worse, and they don’t think she’ll be able to get better.” At this she sat and waited for my response. I had no response. How could I? How do you respond when someone tells you that someone you’ve known for your whole life is going to die?

We got out of the car and went in to see her. As my mom talked, all I could do was think, “How could this be happening? Why did God want my grandma now?” I could barely say good-bye before I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I didn’t cry though, not there in front of my grandma and mom. I couldn’t make either of them sad; that’d make me feel terrible.

When we got home I found myself buried in my pillow and blanket for the second time that day. This time it was not to hide but to cry. I’m not quite sure how long I laythere crying and asking questions before I realized that I was going in circles. How was I supposed to know what God wanted her for! So I ventured out of my room to look for my mom. She’d know the answers to my questions. I found her in the hall; her eyes were red and puffy like mine.