Three and a half years ago, I had begun to question whether or not I would ever be a mother. My husband Nate and I were in the beginning stages of the adoption process, a road that seemed so long and winding. I didn’t know if we would make it to the end. Now here I sit, writing on my computer as my 22-month-old son naps in his crib. The last three and a half years were the longest and most difficult of my life. I hit rock bottom and questioned God’s plan several times; however, I have also experienced more joy than I ever anticipated.

Heartache

We signed up for classes with an adoption agency in the fall of 2005. The mountains of paperwork seemed endless, but we were hopeful. In the winter of 2005, the financial burden involved with the adoption process really hit us. We decided to put our process on hold, because we didn’t want to put all our finances into the adoption, only to bring our child home to his or her very own cardboard box. My mom, however, continued to hand out our adoption brochures.

Six months later we got a call saying that a young girl wanted to meet with us. After the meeting, she wanted to know if Nate and I would parent her child. We were on top of the world! Over the next three months, everything seemed to be going well. Nate and I decided it was time to register for all the wonderful baby items. We registered for everything from diapers to a big screen TV (Nate’s idea). We were in the baby department when my phone rang. It was the birth mother, and she was crying. In that moment I knew it was over. I heard her say, “I’m sorry. I’ve decided to keep my baby.” Until that moment, I never knew what it felt like to have your heart ripped out of your body and stomped on. 

Nate and I went home and grieved. I didn’t know if I could trust another birth mother again. Deep down, I knew that God would help us through this
tough time, but it was still difficult to trust him. Yet we still had hope that God’s plan for our lives included children. We decided to get back with our agency and were placed in their Waiting Families book at the very end of 2006.

Very soon we got a call. This time a birth mother and father wanted to meet us. The birth mother was expecting twins within the month. We cautiously attended the match meeting. Once again, we were asked to parent the twin girls. We had questioned whether or not we would ever be parents, and now there we were—preparing for twins.