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Christian Living/Human Behavior

Can you please give me examples of disciplining in the Christian way? Our pastor recently spoke of the use of the "rod" and I need more guidance to understand exactly what God is instructing as appopriate discipline. How can using force be teaching the child?

First, I encourage you to make the time to chat with your pastor about the topic of Christian discipline. It is a vital responsibility that the Lord places upon parents, and especially upon fathers. The apostle says, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." (Eph. 6:4) Your pastor would welcome the opportunity to search the Scriptures with you and to learn more about God's purposes for discipline. Indeed, Christian discipline and parenting could provide a wonderful theme for a Bible class unit. In this web site response, I will, of necessity, simply remind you of some fundamental and foundational truths about proper discipline.

First and foremost, Christian parents know that their children are the Lord's. Through holy baptism, the Lord God has united the child into Jesus the Savior. God loves this child even more than mom and dad do! Parents are God's representatives, placed by the loving Father as a fount of countless blessings. Parents are to feed, nourish, protect, and train children. That training includes spiritual knowledge, not just temporal or earthly knowledge. Discipline is evidence of genuine love, a love that cares enough to correct and rebuke. "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." (Hebrews 12:5-6. Take time on all of that section, Hebrews 12:1-11.)

Secondly, Christian parents know that Christian discipline has a different goal than simply outward obedience. A Christian parent seeks to lead a child to repent of sin, and to realize the spiritual danger of sin and disobedience. If a child disobeys the authority of parents, he can quickly grow up to disobey not only governmental authority, but even God's authority. Patient discipline, then, can be a tremendous blessing because it teaches a child not to rebel against the Lord God and his Word, and so fall under God's terrible judgment. (Confer Hebrews 10:31) Scripture declares, "Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death." (Prov. 19:18) "The corrections of discipline are the way to life." (Prov. 6:23)

Proper Christian discipline points out to a child that misbehavior or disrespect is first and foremost a sin against the Lord. Christian parents are not content to simply "force" a child to act better. Parents seek to touch the heart, and when that child repents to bring the joy of Jesus' forgiveness to wipe the tears of that child. Teaching the child to learn to know Jesus as the perfect child, who lived a perfect childhood for us, a perfect life God now wraps around them through baptism is what soothes the tears and brings a smile to obedience. Scripture applies to children as well as adults when it says, "It is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." (Phil. 2:13)

I sense, by your question, that you seek specific "types" of discipline that are ok to use. I hesitate to offer you such specific "how-to" because there is no blanket answer. Every child is a unique creation of the Lord God, with a different personality, different attitudes, different reactions. Each situation is so different. A parent prays for wisdom. Sometimes and for some children a harsh look is all that is needed. At other times a stern word (not a shout of anger) that points out what God's word says about the misdeed is used by the Holy Spirit to convict a tiny heart. At other times a parent, for the safety of the child, may take more stringent actions. Physically removing a child from danger or from the situation where he might hurt himself or another child is paramount. Yes, even spanking can be an appropriate tactic. But several important cautions. The passage from Proverbs says, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." (Prov. 13:24, emphasis added) A parent is not to react in rage or uncontrolled emotions. After a parent's own emotions are calmed, perhaps there is a time when a spank on the bottom of a child is appropriate. Yet never with a closed hand or fist, never striking the child to do bodily harm. That is abuse. If a parent has problems controlling his or her own temper, then another discipline tactic needs to be employed. Whether that strategy is a consequence such as loss of privilege, or a time-out, or extra chores. Yet, the key is consistency and fairness from child to child.

I again encourage you to talk to your pastor about Christian discipline. He might also be able to provide you with Christian books and resources to help you as you grow in this vital role of loving parents. Remember, Christian discipline is a blessing from God, a blessing that demonstrates the depth and patience of genuine love.

My daughter recently questioned the use of hypnotism as a form of entertainment at a WELS high school. They were discussing the use of alcohol and how a person should always remain in control of their mind and not drink to excess. She questioned whether or not Christians should be involved in hypnotism for the same reason, especially if it is just being used as entertainment.

Since we all are responsible to God for all of our thoughts, words, and actions, whether we are sober, drunk, thinking rationally, or under hypnotism, I would suggest that we ought to consider hypnotism, if it is really that, as a rather dangerous form of entertainment. Supposedly under hypnotism we are not using our rational mind when we are hypnotized.

Your daughter has made an interesting and apt comparison.

There seem to be some valid uses of hypnotism in the medical field.

Just from a practical standpoint. I like it when people laugh with me. I don't like it when people laugh at me because I am acting foolishly. When hypnotism is used as entertainment, I do believe that most of those who are hypnotized are the objects of someone's laughter.

I want to receive good Christian WELS counseling. I struggle with anxiety and occasional depression. I have tried counseling with secular therapists to no avail. My wife is Catholic and she got me into Catholic Social Services for counseling and the result was the same. Christ is not mentioned in the therapy and in the CSS therapy it talks of cheap grace such as forgiveness without repentance and recommending I seek out a doctor and take all kinds of anxiety and depression pills and reading such books such as John Bradshaw and Dr Phil (from the Oprah show) who both are secular and non-Christian. I've used the WELS care line which is very helpful, but I need more consistive counseling. Are there any WELS therapy services in mid-Michigan? If not, whom would you reccomend I go to?

You ask about a counselor that we could recommend in the central Michigan area.

We are unable to recommend counselors through this venue. We thought of contacting you privately, but really do not know enough about the counselors from that area to make a recommendation.

However, we have two suggestions:

a. Ask your pastor for a referral. Perhaps he, or his circuit pastor, has a person or people that they use regularly to provide counseling for their members.

b. There are several pages on this web site that would be helpful. I would suggest that you would click on the "Ministries" button on the "www.wels.net" page. Then click on "Special Ministries." Find the "Committee on Mental Health Needs" page. There you will find three documents. All three will be helpful for you to read and to use to find a therapist in central Michigan.

1. "Ask a Therapist" contains questions for you or your pastor (or both of you, if you go together) to use as you interview counselors or therapists.

It will help you ask important questions about faith and competency and willingness on the part of the interviewee to work with your pastor.

2. "Christian or Non-Christian Counselor" is a site that helps you come to some conclusions about what type of counseling would be most beneficial to you and which counselors may be most helpful to you as you continue to receive spiritual counseling from your pastor.

c. "Models of Therapy" is a site that briefly explains the way counselors and therapists who follow different types of counseling models do their work. The site contains an easy-to-use glossary of terms to help you understand some of the technical words found in the descriptions of the models.

By using these sites, we pray that you will be able to find the right person for you so that you might receive the help you need.

Sometimes, for simple depression and anxiety problems, a good family physician who will take the time to listen to you may be of help. He or she may even prescribe medications that will be helpful to treat the physical part of your depression and anxiety. Use your pastor for the spiritual part of your depression and anxiety. Use a talk therapist or counselor for the emotional part of your problems.

May God bless you and lead you to the help that you need!

I have been battling a panic disorder for about four years. Well, maybe I haven't exactly been battling it but instead been living with it. Four years ago, I had a panic attack while driving in the country with friends. My heart felt like it was going to explode. It was altogether the most uncomfortable feeling I have ever experienced. I honestly thought I was going to die. Since then I have avoided driving out in the country or just being too far from a hospital. I am so afraid of experiencing those sensations again. I feel I haven't had one since because I have avoided all "triggers." I am 23 now and I want to get over this so I don't continue to miss out on opportunities. My Psychologist says that I will overcome this if I start driving and experiencing symptoms again. What I want to know is, if this fear I have given into is a sin. If I know that a panic attack cannot hurt me but still am scared and avoid doing things, am I sinning?

The fear of triggering a panic disorder can be as incapacitating as the panic attack. Your counselor is right. As you carefully and gradually learn that you can do the things that seemed to trigger the first attack, you will learn to become confident enough to do them again.

Please remember that every mental need is accompanied by physical and spiritual needs. The way your heart was racing during your first attack is an example of a physical need connected with your panic disorder. Now you are expressing some doubts and concerns about sin in connection with the attacks. You aren't very specific but you seem to be wondering if you are sinning because you don't trust enough in God to keep the attacks away -- like, "If I really trusted in God I would have the courage to face these triggers and overcome my fears."

I don't know if there is a sin of doubting involved here or not. I would suggest that you don't dwell on whether there is a sin or not present. I would suggest that you dwell on Jesus. Trust in him as your conqueror and deliverer from all sin. Romans 8:1 "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Instead of examining your faith as to its weakness or strength, simply review the comforting sections of the Bible that tell you about Jesus as your Savior and your strength and your hope. Romans 8:28-39 is one of those sections. In other words, look at Jesus and not at yourself. Look at his never-ending love for you and not at your love for him. Examine his love and not your own.

Then, listen to the good advice of your counselor. He or she seems to be working with you to help you with the emotional part of the problem. If you have been prescribed some medication, take it regularly and according to the prescription.

God bless you and give you peace as you work through this problem and move from coping to conquering!

I have been a member of the WELS for five years. I am a lifelong political conservative and I have always voted Republican. However, I have issues with supporting our gubernatorial candidate Scott McCallum. I agree with many, if not most, of his policy positions, but am concerned about the fact that he is a Christian Scientist (www.jsonline.com/lifestyle/religion/feb01/scott09020801a.asp?format=print). Should a Christian support a member of a cult such as this for political office?

I don't know of any evidence that Scott McCallum lets Christian Science beliefs interfere with his policies, for example, concerning medical treatment. In very few elections will we have Lutheran candidates to choose from. Scott McCallum's views may well be more in accord with scriptural moral values than those of a liberal Lutheran, for example, on abortion.

I have been a WELS member for 22 years (since marriage) and have been employed at a state agency for the past 14 years. About a month ago I was approached by my supervisor regarding a co- worker who was habitually overextending her lunch period, breaks, in addition to visting with her friends when she was supposed to be working. I informed my supervisor of the improper behavior that I had observed in my co-worker. I don't know what type of punishment was administered to the guilty person, but for the last 3 weeks, this person has shown true hatred by gossiping about me to others, been insulting, refusing my offers to assist her in the day to day work, presenting extreemly scornful looks, plus not speaking to me for 3 weeks. At first her behavior did bother me, but after prayer, I realize that I have not dishonored the Lord in this situation.

Another employee told me this person is upset because I "snitched" on her, but I believe that when a person is being paid to do a job and they "goof off" they can't hide their behavior from the Lord and that blaming me that they were caught only shows they have little or no faith in God. I know this person's actions are the same as stealing and shows little or no regard for those in authority over her. My question is this, what is the best way according to the Bible to deal with someone as this who shows such a hardened heart. I am limited because in the work place discussing our faith may be considered by some to be inapprpriate and in violation of the work rules. I appreciate any prayerful advice you can offer in this difficult situation. Yours in Christ.

You are handling the situation correctly. I hear you saying that you are trying to be helpful and friendly. I hear you saying that you are trying to act in a Christian way towards the other person.

Please do not be judgmental of the other person regarding his or her faith. Simply continue to witness to your faith by your actions. It is hard to be a whistle-blower on another worker. Such an action can negatively impact your relationship with other workers. Yet, the person who "goofs off" will get others in trouble by his or her action. You did help the workplace and your agency. It would have been better if there had been a way to do it without telling the authorities -- in other words, going to the co-worker yourself and talking to him or her about how you feel because your work is negatively impacted by his or her lack of production. Matthew 18:15-20 talks about going to the person who is sinning against you personally and only after several attempts making the situation more public. However, the situation in Matthew 18 may be somewhat different than what you faced.

I would hope that your supervisors did not act only upon your words, but that they found good cause to discipline your co-worker by observing his or her actions themselves. As your coworker realizes that fact, there may be more peace.

Matthew 5:43-48 might be an appropriate guide for your actions.

God's blessings! I pray that by the time you read this response, things are going better for you in your workplace.

I have been struggling with some issues regarding Christian freedom. I would appreciate any comments you may have.

Romans 14:20 reads "...All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble." This would seem to apply to just about anything. For instance, I drive the speed limit. This often makes people behind me get angry and impatient (sin). This wouldn't happen if I stayed off the roads. So, am I misusing my Christian freedom by driving? Another example --- some people who play sports like football use it as an outlet for violent aggression. Am I sinning if I play football, knowing that some people have this attitude?

A second issue for me: some commentaries on Romans 14 make a claim similar to the following one: "If a man thinks a thing to be wrong, to him it is wrong. He, therefore, who is uncertain whether God has commanded him to abstain from certain meats, and who notwithstanding indulges in them, evidently sins; he brings himself under condemnation. Because whatever is not of faith is sin; i.e., WHATEVER WE DO WHICH WE ARE NOT CERTAIN IS RIGHT, TO US IS WRONG." (Hodge, Commentary on the Epistle to the Romans, p. 426, Emphasis added).

My problem is, that I can't claim that I'm 100% certain about how God sees any particular thing I do. There's always a little bit of doubt as to whether or not it's God-pleasing. Very little that we do seems to fall into the perfect black-and-white light in which it is portrayed in Scripture. Even Luther's interpretations of many of the ten commandments differ in some ways from others' (even some WELS Lutherans). It seems to me that the choices I make in life fall on different parts of a big gray scale, with "definitely sin" and one end and "probably not sin" on the other. These choices do not seem to be neatly divided on each end of this scale, but rather are blurred up in the middle, and we have to do our best to muddle our way through life making the best choices that we can --- but I absolutely fail to see how anyone can claim that they are 100% confident that the choices they make are not sin. We are commanded to be perfect. Is *anything* we do really perfect? Can our sinful selves even *recognize* perfection? It seems we can't be sure that anything we do is not sin. In fact, it almost seems that everything we do is partially sin. I have a feeling you will not agree with my perspective. Please help me understand where I'm erring.

In answer to the first part of your question, please remember something Paul said two chapters earlier in Romans, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 121:18). We have not sinned when we do what God asks of us (your example: obedience to the government - such as obeying the speed limit) even though others may grow angry with us for such obedience. There are going to be many times when other sinners - in particular unbelievers - will grow angry at us for striving to live righteous lives just as we have been declared righteous in Christ. Peter also reminds us what will often happen when Christians live differently from the disobedient and unbelieving world. "They think it strange that you do not plunge with them into the same flood of dissipation, and they heap abuse on you" (1 Peter 4:4). The fact that some use our obedience as an excuse for their sin does not free them from the ultimate responsibility for their words and actions.

Now, in things neither commanded nor forbidden by God (your "playing football" example), we do want to be careful not to lead another into an otherwise perfectly legitimate activity in which they may stumble into sin. To use our example, if a Christian friend had a tendency to turn a football game into an excuse to vent his rage and intentionally injure others, I would not invite him to play the game - even though the game itself is not sin. In such activities in which God has neither commanded nor forbidden particular actions, I must consider the conscience of the fellow Christian lest my activity become a stumbling block for him. It is in such situations that Paul speaks this principle, "Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak" (1 Corinthians 8:9).

In answer to your second set of questions. Let me begin by stating that the Bible does paint many thoughts, words, and actions clearly as sins or clearly as pleasing to God. I have no doubt that when I read a Bible story to my children and speak their prayers with them that God is delighted with such sharing of his Word and claiming of his promises to answer prayer. Likewise, I have no doubt that I have sinned in God's sight when I allow bitter words to cut my spouse to the heart. It is my sinful nature that wants to rationalize and make everything "gray" when in fact my sins "are as red as crimson" (Isaiah 1:18).

With that said, it is also true that there are many situations in life in which the Scriptures present us only with basic principles for Christian living. Individual Christians in unique situations then must make spiritually wise decisions on what would be the best ways to apply those principles in those specific situations. In such cases, our skeptical and doubting sinful nature will always help to inject a certain amount of doubt into the picture no matter what action we decide to take. And you are very right that if we act out of doubt instead of trust, we have just injected sin into the midst of our action no matter how pure the outward act may be. That is precisely the point Paul makes in Romans 14:23 when he says, "Everything that does not come from faith is sin." It is just one more reason that even in the midst of our best good works our sinful nature is still at work adding a blotch of sin. Because of the ever present doubting and unbelieving sinful nature that still resides in every believer we must daily cry out with the psalm writer, "Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults" (Psalm 19:12). If our entrance into heaven depended on us performing one action in life with perfect confidence and not a speck of doubt, then hell would be waiting for all of us.

However, all of which brings me to my main point: you seem to be trying to find peace of conscience from your own actions rather than from the perfect actions of Jesus. It's almost as if you are thinking, "Somehow I must be able to do something without any doubt or I'm in trouble before God."

Our only way to stand righteous in God's sight is in the record of him who never once acted with even a speck of doubt. Even from the godforsakenness of hell Jesus maintained his trust in his heavenly Father. While we certainly want to strive to trust God's gracious plan and purpose for our lives so that we more and more act in confidence and not in doubt, yet our joy and confidence is in the perfect trust lived by Jesus, not by us. Thank God that we are "found in him, not having a righteousness of [our] own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith" (Philippians 3:9).




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