My Life Issues

Understanding God's purpose for singles helps combat three myths.

The phone rings. It's your long-lost friend, "just calling to see how you were doing." He begins regaling you with everything that happened in the past months, including his engagement. Before you get a word in, he asks . . .

It's Thanksgiving. You're seated around a table piled high with turkey and candied yams, making small talk. You wait with dread for a lull in the conversation, when you know a relative will turn and say . . .

You're at the fourth wedding reception you've been to this summer. You managed to dodge the tossing of the bouquet, but you know there's a question you won't be able to dodge . . .

"So, are you seeing anyone special?"

If your answer is no, the topic is immediately dropped or changed, after a sad shaking of the head and the ever-so-assuring: "Don't worry. It'll happen when you're ready."

The myths
But why the sad shaking and the reassuring words? Is there something wrong with being single? Is God's highest calling for men and women to get married?

These myths exist:
1. If you're not married, you don't have a purpose; you're not a "whole" person.
 
2. If you're not married, you are alone.

3. Everyone wants to get married.

Such myths are rarely spoken aloud. They apply to singles everywhere, whether widowed, divorced, or never married. They're easy to believe and hard to change.

How they developed
But why do these myths exist? What makes married and single people question the validity of being single?

Societal pressure pushes some myths on us.

"In the secular sense, it's considered a leg in your journey on earth," said Brent Baumler, a Christian counselor at Wisconsin Lutheran Child and Family Service, St. Paul, Minn. "You go to school, have a career, get a girlfriend, get married, and live happily ever after."

But can't married and single people be comfortable with the notion that singles can live happily?

Many still think marriage is the only route to happiness.

"Single people make us [married people] feel uneasy," said Allen Sorum, pastor at Garden Homes, Milwaukee, Wis. "We feel they must be miserable because they're not married. Actually, married people need to be educated on God's plan for some to be single."

Myth one: purpose
Education about God's plan is one way to combat myths about singles.

Because God does have a plan. Being single is not a punishment.

God wants us, whether single or married, to concentrate on spreading his Word. God won't provide a spouse for everyone because he wants to use the flexibility a single's life provides. Singles glorify God by using their time and energy to serve him and others.

Through serving others, a single person can find the fulfillment and happiness many feel is missing from a single's life. Finding a mate will not make you a "whole" person. Serving God will.

And remember, God may provide a spouse later; it just might not be in your time frame.

Myth two: being alone
For some, it's difficult to wait.

"Being single is neither good nor bad," said Pastor Brian Terrell, administrator of Lutheran Counseling Services Southwest Association, Tucson, Ariz., and co-author of Survival Guide for Being Alone. "It's neutral—a state of life. We all go through it; some just go through it for a lifetime. But if we attach a negative feeling to it, we will experience loneliness and feel unfulfilled."

Everyone, whether married or single, will experience loneliness. It's a part of life. We need human relationships, and sometimes sinful humans aren't always emotionally there for each other.

It's dangerous if we always feel that no one cares.

"Anywhere along the entire continuum of loneliness—from feeling a little lonely to complete despair—we can forget or ignore the one who always loves us and cares about us," said Ron Koehler III, pastor at Grace, Tucson, Ariz., and co-author of Survival Guide for Being Alone.

But we are never really alone. "God has said, 'Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you' " (Hebrews 13:5).

And we will always have our family in Christ. "So in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others" (Romans 12:5).

Myth three: choices
Our family is made up of different people, from those who are married to those wanting to marry to those not wanting to marry. One isn't better than the other. We shouldn't judge others' decisions concerning marriage. We shouldn't make our choice on how it affects our earthly life, but on how it can help us best serve God and others.

In the end, earthly relationships won't really matter.

"God's church is not made of families, but of individuals," said Terrell. "Your relationship with God is not based on your relationship with others. It's one-on-one."

So we can say we really are involved with someone special, all the time—Christ.

Author: Julie Wietzke
Copyrighted by WELS Forward In Christ © 2009