Questions & Answers

At the heart of your question is this one: "Is it always sinful to live with someone of the opposite sex?" And the answer is, "No, it is not always sinful." Circumstances, motives, and the people themselves need to be considered before saying such a living arrangement is to be judged right or wrong—or wise or foolish.

Theologically we would classify such a living relationship as an adiaphoron, something God has neither commanded nor forbidden. Such a thing lies in the realm of Christian freedom. And that is precisely why you need to give very careful thought to what you choose to do with your freedom. If such an arrangement constitutes a temptation to sin (for anyone), it becomes unloving and sinful. If it gives others the wrong impression or causes others to stumble spiritually or unnecessarily jeopardizes the reputation of a Christian, it is unwise, imprudent, and ultimately unloving and sinful too. The summary statements used by the apostle in 1 Corinthians 6:12 and 1 Corinthians 10:23-24 remain important considerations regarding the use of Christian freedom.

You say that the woman you have been dating is "upset" about your living relationship. You do not say she accuses you of sin—but you certainly identify an issue that merits your thoughtful attention. The appearance of your behavior to others cannot be casually set aside. A frank, two-sided conversation with your girlfriend is long overdue. And if you think that your living arrangement should not have meant anything to your girlfriend, you are idealistic and probably naive.

Evangelical practice in counseling requires knowing the people and circumstances much more than I do. Speak with your pastor and other trustworthy friends and acquaintances who know you and will speak lovingly and frankly as people who know the circumstances.